LezIsMore

It's been a couple of weeks since my last post. I've been pretty busy, but not with anything exciting.

Work has been stressy-hellish, but that's not really a surprise. I keep telling myself that it will pass. It's gonna be a long road...but it WILL pass.

I've worked out most days, even if it was just something small. Mostly, I've been running. On days that my knees or ankle are too achey, I run a shorter distance, or even just go for a walk...but I try to get out and do *something* to burn some calories. I've also been doing some abwork and balance stuff.

Every day, I stretch, and do the exercises for my shoulder. My chiro changed the exercises a bit, a week and a half ago, when I saw her for some more acupuncture. I think they're working, along with the acupuncture and wearing the posture jersey every day. I think I feel an ever-so-slight reduction in pain...maybe like 5%. It's a start.

I have to say that I've fallen in love with acupuncture. There's this one point she uses, in the top of my head, which is supposed to calm you. It takes a few minutes to settle in, but then I'm soooo mellow! I only wish I lived closer to her office, 'cause taking the crowded subway home tends to reduce the effect. (...or maybe I should just get something embedded in the top of my head permanently?! ;-) )

I've probably been doing a little too much Googling on shoulder stuff. My chiro tried to discourage me from doing that, and just wait for more details from the sports doctor...but...well...I'm impatient. I've done a fair bit of online research. There's a *lot* of crap out there. I did learn a few things though. It's quite possible that I can get through this without having surgery. I'll learn more really soon...when the Googling will start all over again, I'm sure. :-)

Well, in an attempt to use up vacation time, I took today off work. This afternoon, I find out the official results of the ultrasound. In some ways, by getting definitive information, we're just beginning this journey. In other ways, I feel like the worst is probably behind me, and I'm well on my way to being done with this problem. We shall see, I suppose.

I haven't been posting. I'm still considering ditching the blog, for various reasons.

I've been keeping busy, lots of work stuff, lots of home stuff, even more shoulder stuff.

Work was actually briefly somewhat less stressful, 'cause a couple of sources of stress were out of the office. This was quite nice. I actually got to just work away at things that needed to get done, rather than being pestered constantly. But, alas, the best things in life are brief. :-) It's been back to the same old crap this week.

I've been doing better around home, doing a few chores, and light workouts regularly. I'm still not allowed to do anything but my physio with the arms/shoulders, so I'm still having challenges figuring out interesting workouts. For the most part, I've just been running a few days a week, mostly outside, but on the treadmill a couple of times, when the weather wasn't cooperating. I've also been using the cable row machine in the gym downstairs as a bit of a makeshift rowing machine, 'cause the rowing machine at the boxing gym isn't really gonna work out for me. I always finish every workout with the exercises my chiro gives me. (Even if I don't run, or whatever, I do my shoulder exercises pretty much every day.) This week, the shoulder exercises have started getting a little easier, so, on the advice of my chiro, I need to find some slightly heavier weights for next week.

This Tuesday, I saw a sports doctor, who my chiro recommended. He seems to be a bit of a bigwig, in the sports doctor world. He had a couple of residents working with him, so I went through a bevy of tests, poking and prodding with them, before they went off to discuss with the doctor. Then he came into the examination room with them, and put me through another bunch, before walking them through problem-solving. In the end, I got a requisition for an ultrasound, a prescription for a topical anti-inflammatory, and a referral for some physio/active release, should I wish to pursue treatment at his clinic. I decided that at least until we have the results of the ultrasound, I want to continue treatment with my chiro, who does almost all the same things that his clinic offers. He also asked me to come back in three weeks, so I have an appointment for the 30th. After all the poking and prodding, pulling and twisting, both shoulders were rather sore, but they're starting to calm down now.

I had to call to set up the ultrasound appointment. I decided I was going to stand my ground until I got something that worked for me. Their first offer was October 22nd. I said "no". They offered September 21st. I said "no". They put me on hold for a minute, then came back with "Thursday?". I knew I had a couple of work meetings that day, but figured this was probably my only chance for an appointment that soon, so I said "okay!", and sorted out the work stuff after.

Yesterday, I left work right after my meetings were done, and headed to the ultrasound lab. It was a pretty nice lab. I wish I could score one of their gowns. They're pretty nice, as far as medical gowns go.

I've never had an ultrasound before. For the most part, it was pretty uneventful. I asked if it was a boy or a girl. The technician laughed. She took 33 pictures before she brought the radiologist in, to ask about something on the screen. They bandied some terms around that I didn't recognize (drat! ...but did online research last night, and found them...now i wish I'd pay attention, 'cause I'd have a lot more info about what's going on now!). He had her redo one area, by turning the transducer (ultrasound wand-y thing) on a different angle. He then did a quick ultrasound on the "good" shoulder, and compared a few things. They then went back to the scan for the right shoulder, and discussed a dark spot on it (I peeked over my shoulder at the monitor, but I really didn't get to see much, as they kept me with my back to it the whole time. From what I remember, and compared to what I've found online, it was a longitudinal view of the supraspinatus.). They definitely found a small tear. The technician mentioned the subscapularis, and the radiologist corrected her, pointing something out that made it clear it was the supraspinatus (always my favourite shoulder tendon...). When the radiologist said we were done, and got up to leave, I asked "so I do have a tear?". He paused, likely knowing that they're not really supposed to tell me, but realizing that I had been there for their entire conversation, and said, "yes, you have a little tear". I tried to ask more, but he said "tut, tut! You'll have to talk to your doctor when he gets the report!", then he left the room. The technician told me that the doctor's office should have the report in about 4-5 business days.

Sooo...that's that. I won't know what "little tear" means for possibly a couple of weeks. At first, as I changed, and left the building, I went through a small whirlwind of emotions... relief, that we'd gotten to the bottom of this. ...panic, that this could mean surgery. ...disappointment, that this definitely means more appointments and fussing with my shoulder, regardless of how minor or serious this is. ...and I just kinda felt numb...maybe a bit overwhelmed. I texted the "unofficial news" to a couple of people, then thought I might go shopping on my way home. But then, my boss texted me with some news about some organizational changes in the office, which were kinda disappointing. I really felt overwhelmed now, so I bought some takeout for dinner, then went home, to email information to my chiro, so she'd have it for my appointment with her today. She responded pretty much immediately, so we have a short-term plan, based on yesterday's news.

As mentioned, I spent the evening doing a whole bunch of online research. It's amazing. I hadn't stumbled across any of this info before. Using slightly different search terms makes a huge difference! Soo...I know more...but in some ways, I feel like I still know very little about what's going on with my shoulder. But we're getting closer. We'll figure it out.

179.5 lbs 40% body fat

Okay, it's going in the wrong direction. Time to switch things up a bit.

As mentioned previously, I wasn't as driven as I needed to be last week. I was dealing with a few extra challenges, and I let stress get the better of me. It's time to blast that stress away, so I'll be doing more aerobic and anaerobic stuff this week. I'm also going to do a few things that, in theory, should help with something that's causing stress.

I had my 3rd acupuncture treatment yesterday. It went well. I don't know how many needles I had this time, but she used several different spots than the first two times, including one in the top of my head, which is supposed to be calming. We talked about a few things, 'cause the shoulder didn't really make much progress this week, even though I did do my "punisher" exercises, which were quite difficult. She's sending me to yet another kind of doctor. This guy does sports medicine, and should be able to get me some more tests done.

So, it's a three-day weekend, but I kinda slacked off around home this past week, so I'm trying to balance relaxation with getting some chores done, and working out every day. We'll see how that goes.

P.S. Strangely, after going for a run, even though I drank a couple of cups of water while out there, I'm down a pound and 1.5% body fat. Whatever...

I've noticed that my enthusiasm for working out has seriously waned this week. I was quite motivated last week, but then it kinda faded over the weekend.

I'm still doing my best to keep moving though. It's just not happening as much as it did last week.

On Sunday, I went for a run, but it started raining shortly after I went out, and my left knee was bugging me, so I cut it short, so it was maybe about 2km long.

Monday and Tuesday, I did a fair bit of walking (like, a coupla hours), while carrying heavy loads in my backpack, but it's not the same as running, and really getting the heart rate up there. On Tuesday, I went to the boxing gym, and did 20 minutes on the rowing maching, as recommended by my chiro. I feel a little sore after that, but I don't think I did any damage to myself.

I've done my physio exercises, but not every day. I've missed them twice since Friday. That's not good. I need to get my shit together.

Also, I haven't done any of the other things I did last week, like skipping, abs, lower body strength stuff...

Today, that changes. I'm doing my physio before I leave for work, and I've made an appointment with myself for this evening, to have a real workout.

178.5 lbs 37.5% body fat

So, I'm up a pound in weight, but down 2.5% in body fat. I've been tracking my food and activity, and the numbers don't really add up to this result, so I'm not sure what happened. I was fairly strict with my diet this week, being under 1500 calories for all but one day. I worked out every day except yesterday. I really don't think that I lost 2.5% body fat in a week though. That would be 4 3/8 lbs of fat, roughly, which I just don't think would happen. I'm pretty sure my weight went up because I've been drinking a lot more water.

Oh well. I'll just keep trying.

This morning, I did my regular 5.1km running route. I probably ran a little over 4km of it. My knees were complaining and my lungs were heavy for the first half of it, so I wasn't sure if I'd have to walk home from the turnaround point, but I walked for a couple hundred metres around the turnaround loop, then started running again, to see how it felt, and it kinda came together. I guess I just needed to get the joints warmed up. I still felt quite slow, especially compared to all the serious runners who were out there getting ready for some sort of race that's happening on the route this morning...but hey, at least I'm out and moving, and pushing myself.

My chiro said so, so it must be true. :-)

I think I became OCD around doing my shoulder physio exercises this week, but it seems to have paid off. My chiro was very happy with my progress.

While I was practicing the new exercise I have for this week, she said she could actually *see* my anterior delt. I'm not sure what she sees, 'cause I still just see a very round shoulder which curves forward in a mildly gross way, but hey...if she's happy, I'm happy. :-)

I had my second acupuncture treatment today, which went well, much like the first one. I asked her to pump up the electrical current a bit more this time, 'cause it kept fading out last time. During the treatment, I came to realize that the more relaxed I was, the more effect the current had on my muscles. Even if I didn't move at all, but thought about something mildly stressful, the little pulses in my shoulder and neck would fade, so I closed my eyes, and tried to clear my mind.

Other than my physio exercises this morning, today ended up being a rest day from working out. All I had time for was a brisk walk home from the subway (the queue for the bus looked too annoying). On my way I saw the police with a R.I.D.E. (Reduce Impaired Driving Everywhere) program set up on my road, stopping all the cars, to check for dumb drunks. That was kinda weird and random, since it was still technically afternoon, on a weekday, in the summer, on a not-that-popular road in the city. Random.

I think I'll probably run tomorrow morning. In the afternoon, I'll go watch one of the BJJ classes, and take some notes on technique. Other than exercise and chores, the rest of the weekend will be spent reading a book that I have to return to someone on Monday. 460 pages to go... :-)

I went to watch class on Saturday and Monday. Both times, I found it rather depressing to just watch. I took good notes, but cut out as soon as it looked like the technique/instruction portion was complete. Watching just isn't even remotely as satisfying as playing. I decided after Monday's class that I won't be going to observe as often as I was going to train, even though I originally wanted to try to. I just won't get enough out of it. As long as I go once or twice a week, that should be enough for me to be aware of the techniques we're covering. And if it's not...well, we'll circle back around and cover the techniques again many times, so I'm not too worried. And besides, I want to make the best of my time, and I think that being active, in some form, is a better use of my time.

I really am trying to keep my spirits up, but I have moments of sadness, particularly if someone asks me about it. The problem is not even that I don't get to do BJJ specifically. I think it's that there are big limitations on my life right now. I don't like limitations unless I've come up with them.

I'm keeping really busy, which stops me from thinking too much about stuff and getting overly bummy.

Every single day, I've done my physio exercises, usually in the morning, before I go to work, 'cause it doesn't hurt as much in the morning. It does hurt quite a bit though. The exercises aren't exactly fun.

Every day except Monday ('cause I went to watch both evening classes, and there wasn't enough time), I've done cardio...mostly running and hill-climbing. There's a hill close to home that takes about four minutes to climb, at a brisk walking pace. Just walking is enough to get the blood pumpin'. Last night, I did it, up and down, four times, and passed a woman jogger twice, who was amused that we were both doing hills. Next week, after I've built up a bit more cardio fitness, I'm going to try jogging up it.

I've tried skipping a few times, but just for brief one-minute stints. I'm sooo far from my boxing days of 3-minute rounds of skipping. I seem to recall hating skipping at the time, but now I look back on that time wistfully, which I find amusing. By the time I get back on the mats, I'm going to try to be back up to doing 3x3 minutes, at least. I can't believe how little BJJ has contributed to my fitness. I think I've maintained a lot of my strength, but aerobic and anaerobic capacity is in quite a sad state.

I've also been doing some strength stuff, but lower body and core only, as my chiro didn't give the green light for any upper body stuff at all. I'm going to ask her when I go for my second acupuncture treatment tomorrow.

Ab/core work is coming along rather nicely. I've done at least 50 crunches each day. I've done some reading about this, and think I can make better use of my time by doing them while holding weight on my chest or belly (depending on the exercise), so that I get more resistance, and won't need to do crazy numbers of reps, which I think is mostly a waste of time.

I've been doing more stretching, and some meditation, too. I'm still totally stressed, but I think it's having a gradual impact.

As I did back during my big weight-loss spree, a couple of years ago (around when I started this blog), I've been weighing myself each day, 'though only the Saturday morning weigh-in will "count" (toward what, who knows...but this is what I tell myself ;-) ) ...since weight varies throughout the day and week...and I find it amusing to see the fluctuations. Interestingly, as I write this, I'm up 2 lbs, but down 4% in body fat from Saturday's weigh-in. I think I must be hydrating better, or maybe I need to have a bowel movement or something...hehe...hmmm...I wonder how that affects the numbers?

I've been trying to get more sleep too. That can only be a good thing. Shoulder pain has disrupted that a fair bit, but at least I'm making the effort.

Well, I do go on. I think that's enough of an update for now. I may have more to say tomorrow, after my chiro visit.